Thursday, 2 September 2010


September 1st and the way I like to start any new month is BATTALING THE PIRAT MENACE. I logged on in Police headquarters Thukker Mix, in Ardar. And surprise surprise LOCAL IS FULL OF PIRATS. The pirates were Back to Yarrr flavour pirates, generally good for a fight and nearly always in numbers. Seeing that there were a few in local I undock the justice Tempest and blip the dscan. CYCLON, HURRIKAN, DOMIX, hmm okay TO THE PLANET. I warp in at range from a safe and am soon joined by a cane who burns towards me, I align let him catch up a bit and slam on the mwd as his friends get closer on my scanner. I start cycling the neuts and 800mm's on the cane, his shield is stripped fast, and I begin to go to work on his crunchy Armour centre, unfortunately he turns tail sooner than I was expecting and manages to get out of point range and warp. New Local enters, Back to Yarrr, blip the scanner DRAEK BOAT. Okay manageable, the Cyclone is now overheating mwd at me and closing fast, I lock him up but hold fire until he's well in the danger zone of my turrets, as I really don't wanna miss this kill as well as the cane. Cyclone at 11k GO GO POLIC AUTOCANNONZ. Like the cane he starts to bug out, however this time I'm more ready I flip my pest around heat mwd and Brawl the Pirat man down. During all this the Domi had warped off and back in on the Cyc, as the Cyc exploded I started to move away from the Domi, but not before having my cap drained to nothing, meaning a lot of spamming of my cap boosters. Safely out of heavy neut range now, and the DRAEK BOAT is burning at me fast, I click to top up the pitiful amount of phased plasma in my guns. Ummm oh dear someone's Police boat isn't well stocked for ammo, all I have is Barrage, not really ideal but will have to do, I Load it up and fire some long range rounds at the injured cane 57k off while I await the MIGHTY DRAEK BOAT. Drake hits about 18k and I decided to check my cargo to assess the cap booster situation because I'm gunna need to do some heavy neuting soon on this clearly scram fit DRAEK BOAT. No boosters left dammit, stupid neuty domi, The combination of cap being low, having no boosters left, and having barrage loaded for a DRAEK, brings me to the conclusion that I should bail, The Draek kindly webs me into warp.

Not to long later I hear of KRIMINAL MASTARMIND PERSEPHONE ASTRID, who incidentally IS YET TO MAKE ME A CAKE. And another Bastard a Mister RoninData roaming close by. I know RoninData is in a Taranis but when I flew about to do some reconnaissance in the pest I didn't clock Astrids boat, nevermind i'll go ship to fight the ranis, I hop into A MIGHTY JUSTIC VIGIL LAW BOAT, and go a chasing. Astrids in a Crow WACK, although I reckon I can take a Crow down in my vigil it's a dicey fight so really I need to go for the ranis. I give chase. Astrid orbits me at a gate at 100 for a while with the ranis clearly close by on Dscan, DO YOU THINK I AM STUPID PERSEPHONE ASTRID I AM NOT ROLLING OFF THE GATE WITH THE RANIS SO CLOSE AT LEAST SEND HIM TO A FURTHER SAFE IF YOU WANT TO TRY THAT TRAP.

Astrid then warps off to the Klogori gate, the ranis I assume does as well. I give chase and being pirates in two interceptors they decide to try and keep moving ahead of me instead of making battal. THEN THEY ARE UNDONE BY THEIR NATURAL DESIRE TO PICK ON THE WEAK. I jump into Orfrold after them, I hold cloak, as I see a potential pve cane on scan, easy and tempting prey for two pirate intys, so I rightly assume they are holding cloak looking to see where he is. Astrid then warps in the canes direction PERFECT, I know full well Astrid won't engage if RoninData had warped for tackle, as shes a pew for profit kinda gal, but from what I know of Mr Ronindata from hearing other Bastards talk of him, is that he's the type who's well up for a GF GF. I uncloak dcu on preheat ab, sure enough the brave Mr RoninData uncloaks and goes for me. \o/

I go to work on the Ranis, Astrid arrives when he's in half hull and starts slamming missiles into my vigil from outside of point range. The Taranis explodes in flames of Justice just as Astrid gets into point range. I then obviously being in deep hull at this point go down. After this I realise I had forgotten a damage rig :( this would of saved my Vigil cos really popping the ranis one volley earlier would of let me get out.

Soon after when PERSPHONE ASTRID had logged off WITHOUT GIVING ME ANY CAKE. Mr RoninData and I agree to a good ol' fashioned Rifter 1v1. I assume he's gunna be Cookie cutter plate, repper, ac's, ab, full tackle, and I decide to grab an Arty Rifter from my hanger, a fit that I totally stole, and slightly modified from a very talented local solo warrior named Snippse. I hold range throughout the fight and Mr RoninData satisfyingly explodes.



  1. I looked up "pob," and the children's videos I found were horrifyingly bizarre and surreal. No wonder your generation turned out so weird-- you never had a chance with that stuff being fed to your pliable little minds.

    To be fair, our own generation was fed similarly weird stuff, and they came out pretty strangely as well. Also, their parents (my generation) did a horrible job of preparing them for the real world and we have loosed a pack of selfish sociopaths onto the world.

    Sorry about that.

    In a strange coincidence, my search also uncovered that "pob" is a slang term for POsh's Bob, the hairstyle worn by that singing tart who married that footballer. It just so happens that I keep my hair in almost the very same bob, but as I am mostly naive and ignorant of your silly culture aside from the odd bit I've learned from watching TopGear, it is only a coincidence.

    Arty rifter: very good call. Our man RoninData is a brawler at heart. I'm a little bit sad that I did not stay around to listen to that duel, and to give you a tasty cake.*

    (* This is not a euphemism. I intend to deliver cake.)

  2. "(* This is not a euphemism. I intend to deliver cake.)"

    i should hope so Miss PERSEPHONE ASTRID

  3. Nice heatsinks on that Taranis btw.

  4. Arty rifters are so damn annoying. I've died a slow painful death to a couple of those before :(

  5. @owendrakkar7: Yes heatsinks might cool a hotheaded Taranis pilot's raw zeal, but they will not add to his ability to avoid justice, as meted out by kindly officers in Metropolis.

  6. In Ronin's defense, he was drinking. Some days I think his pod is filled with alcohol and not gel. XD

  7. we miss seeing you delivering justice on our roams :(

  8. Although I'm a big fan for the back-to-yarr group I love what you've done with your Justice Tempest despite the insane align times. Respect !